The world

Life seems extra challenging these days. Given the events from the last week I realize my life is beyond blessed. Clinging to that I still admit to struggling though. I’ve been tangling often these days as a way to help me re-center. (Here are two that I did in response to the diva’s weekly challenge,…

41

Today is my 41st birthday. It’s been a long strange year since the completion of my 365 day challenge. While I haven’t kept up with a daily creative practice I’ve found that when I do get an artistic urge it’s much easier to delve in. That’s not to say I don’t have scary days when…

Fresh Start

Yesterday was the first day of Spring and I’m not sure if I’ve ever been as happy to see a new season as I am now. Twisting and turning in bed last night, so tired but not sleepy, I wondered what my deal was. Thankfully a smarter, wiser part of me cleared her throat and…

Oddly grateful

**Warning. If you have a problem reading about bodily functions this is a post to skip.** There are times when a body completely takes over and the mind has no power whatsoever and the sheer primal force of it shocks me. Biology highjacks my muscles and my brain rattles around, helpless to do anything but…

Pomegranate Zen

I’m taking a women’s creativity series by Marcia Wiley and one of the weekly things I’m tasked with is taking myself on an artist date. Last week I reported back that mine had been de-seeding a pomegranate. I would never have thought this would be a relaxing thing. In fact in the past I’ve always…

Unimportant things

After picking the kids up from school they both wanted to go to the park. I’ll admit it, internally I groaned. It was cold, I hadn’t brought my jacket but those didn’t feel like great reasons to say no so I said yes, with the caveat that I would stay in the car. I played…

Sitting with my kids

In a recent post I addressed my desire to renew showing up for myself. You wouldn’t know it, since I’ve not posted much since then, however I’ve been busy doing just what I set out to do. And it’s manifested in many different ways – baking, cleaning (which doesn’t at first seem to be for…

Conflict Resolution

Teaching children about conflict resolution, especially when you’re not really great with conflict, is a challenge but still I try. I found myself reflecting on an incident from a couple weeks ago. I’d sent the kids up to their rooms because they were screaming at each other. After they had time to calm down I…

Funk

I’ve been in a funk lately. I’m sure it has to do with my being out of commission and in pain most of last week with my pelvis being out of whack and my root canal through my old root canal. I made time this morning (after going to the gym for the first time…

Not-so-shiny New Year

As we cleaned up the house Isabella lingered over her ornaments and sighed. “Saying goodbye to Christmas is hard. It’s more fun setting it up instead of taking it all down.” I understand her sentiment but I have to admit that this year I was happy to have the house back to normal. The second…

EX-pectation

The word ‘expectation’ is continually appearing in my thoughts during this holiday break. When the word shows up I inevitably shake my head, trying hard not to curse its very existence. I admit it … I went into the vacation with visions of what it could be like. Christmas is hard because I have the…

The sky

Seattle occasionally has days when the cold is perfect. A crisp yet friendly bite to the air, the scent of winter creeping ever closer, and unusual clarity from a clear, clear sky. Today was that kind of day. As I drove home and dusk began to settle the city in for the evening, a tiny…

Peppermint Bark

My motivation for Nano has halted. It occurred to me this morning that when the act of achieving a goal kills the desire for the activity itself, pushing through probably ain’t such a great idea. I’ve had wonderful moments with my kids and I haven’t written them down. My Dad almost died and I haven’t…

Time for change

I’ve been meaning to freshen up the look of my blog for awhile now and my brain has felt numb and soft recently so this seemed a perfect time to make a change. It’s not big but sometimes tiny shifts can make all the difference. I’ve flat-lined creatively the last few weeks so perhaps seeing…

Processing – day 7 Nanowrimo

The universe is a crazy place. This Nano thing has me running circles around in my head. I have vague ideas but no solid ways to flesh out the concepts. Except – twice now I’ve been wondering about how I might set up something and the answers have come to me in external ways. One…

Processing – day 2 Nanowrimo

This is ridiculously difficult. Writing fiction feels like such a different thing that what I normally do, which I think is process on paper or documenting memories for my kids. The process of crafting a story…well, frankly I’m lost. I have ideas and I can get a vague idea of what I want to do…

Extracting Isabella

The past few weeks I’ve not been doing much other than focusing on ADWAS’ auction. I’ve been doing fairly well and the event was last night. Today, after going in to work for the post-auction audit, I got home and felt all the adreline that’d been keeping me going leech away. My legs felt shaky,…

What have I done?

I’m having a giant, humongous ‘OMG what have I done?’ moment. A few weeks back I thumbed through a continuing education catalogue and saw a once-a-week evening writing class that looked interesting and signed myself up. Nanowrimo is the class title. I had no idea before reading the description that November is National Novel Writing…

Temporary States

I love waking up in the morning before everyone else. It feels like stolen time and when it happens I feel almost giddy. It’s different somehow if I set an alarm. This morning I woke naturally at 7:02. There are two amazing things about this. One is that I rarely sleep in till 7:00. In…

Apple Cider

Last night as I hugged Isabella goodnight I told her she could read a bit later since it wasn’t a school night and she could sleep in. “Then after I get up can we have a lazy day? We can practice everything we know – Kung Fu, Gymnastics, mathematics, history.” “How about piano?” “I can…

Gratitude

This morning as I got the kids ready for school I caught a glance of the vitamin bottle as I closed it. DHA and Omegas – the kids have consistently received them starting with my pregnancies. My mind immediately went to all the benefits they’re supposed to have and an almost overwhelming feeling of  gratitude…

Not Guaranteed

Today was the life celebration/memorial for a friend’s 22-year old daughter. I spent the early morning keenly aware of this as I sat cuddling with my son who nestled into me the same way he did when he was two. Afterwards I was in the kitchen baking muffins so the kids would have them for…

Night Off

One night a week I get to leave the house in the evening and go do whatever I want. This has been going on ever since the kids were born. This week I went out Wed night and I was feeling emotionally, socially, and physically drained. I drove to Greenlake, pulled out a picnic blanket…

Snapshot of my kids

Here’s a written snapshot of my kiddos from today. Isabella’s Question Isabella wasn’t responding as quickly as Derek would’ve like this morning while getting ready for school. Finally he yelled at her. A few minutes later I went to say goodbye to her, as I was heading to the gym, and she pulled me close…

Social Norms

I work at a domestic/sexual violence agency and there’s an ongoing discussion in the field about how to stop violence and the role of people when it comes to community accountability.  There are also trainings around oppression and un-earned privilege. The following is an email I sent to my co-workers this morning. In it are…

End of Summer

Today was the last day of summer break for my kiddos. Quinn had a friend sleep over and Isabella played most of the morning with the girls from next door. And while they were happily occupied I processed 40lbs of fruit – I washed, dipped in boiling water, and peeled nectarines and peaches for most…

Death

Last night, Quinton came out of his bedroom saying he felt sad but didn’t know why. Derek and I tried to cheer him up. Roxy, (aka LBM or Little Black Monster) helped out by dragging a rope and shoving it in Quinn’s face. Derek made a joke about her trying to help and said, in…

Date with Isabella

Last night as the kids were getting ready for bed Isabella cocked her head and looked up at me. “Are you gonna be around tomorrow?” “Yeah, I’m not going anywhere.” “Then we should have a date.” “You want to have a mother-daughter date?” Her face lit up as she gave me a full-toothed grin. “What…

Plant Matchmaking

My neighbor, Jen, gave me a cantaloupe plant a couple months back and she’d warned me I might have to pollinate the plant myself. I didn’t give it much of a thought beyond, ‘huh, strange.’ Well, I went out back the other day and took a close look at the garden. The squash and cantaloupe…